so i was thinking, what if in Miles’ universe, MJ was actually just Zendaya
that first bottle dead ass looks like it’s gonna make you shoot crows out of your hands
the first bottle was also full of liquidized cocaine
So it will make me feel like I can shoot crows out of my hands
18th century villager: i wish there were an easier way to ward vampires away from my happy homestead
garlic farmer about to make some serious ass bank: oh you havent heard?
So when YOU sew a bunch of unmatched parts together, it is “a quilt” and “a beautiful gift” and “will assuredly become a family heirloom” but when I sew a bunch of unmatched parts together it is “A MONSTER” and “AN ABOMINATION, AN AFFRONT TO THE GODS” and goes on “A MURDEROUS KILLING SPREE.”
Well MAYBE if you BOTHERED TO NAME HIM or I don’t know, DIDN’T BECOME DEATHLY ILL FROM THE SIGHT OF HIM MOVING we wouldn’t HAVE THIS PROBLEM
these are my parents talking to each other about me
2017 better be nice to my mom
2018 better be nice to my mom
2019 better be nice to my mom
John Mulaney quotes I identify with
on a deep, spiritual, personal level:
- “I meant to learn about cars, and then I forgot.”
- “I have a girlfriend now myself, which is weird because I’m probably gay based on the way I act and behave.”
- “I could never dress goth, and don’t get me wrong. I’m unhappy, it’s not that.”
- “It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them. And so much fun not to do them! Especially when you were supposed to do them.”
- “Whoa! That tall child looks terrible! Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!”
- “I was raised Catholic. I don’t know if you can tell that from the everything about me.”
- “I thought I was gonna be murdered my entire childhood!”
- “What is college?” *incoherent babbling*
- “I was sitting up in bed a few weeks ago like [groans]. You know, life?”
- “When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much.”
thatsthat24